Among other things, I wrote in my journal for the first time in four months. There is something amazing about actually putting my mark on a substance that I can look at AND touch. Physically using my hands and fingers to create the manual dexterity needed to write becomes therapeutic. Plus, I can empty my head of used thoughts. In other words, I get what people who promote and practice journaling are shooting for. I just haven’t made the practice a habit, yet. But four entries in six days is a great start for any practice people want to make habitual.
Getting a “good” habit to stick is challenging even for the most disciplined humans. I am so-so at incorporating beneficial behaviors. Food choices are easy now, but not that long ago I had trouble recognizing that my disturbed digestion of certain things was impairing every system in my body. Once I learned through trial and error what contributed to my unease, I eliminated those sources and found healthy alternatives. When I feel good from the inside out, I’m less likely to fall back on old “bad” food habits, no matter how enticing. This doesn’t mean I don’t ever eat certain things, but I do make sure to notice how I feel before, during, and after I eat anything. This feedback loop is also helping me to stay in the moment, so I eat more mindfully. My yoga sādhana helps me immeasurably on my course of mindfulness.
When I first began studying with Yoga Awareness, I was already in the habit of daily yoga practice. Even when I was carefully modifying postures in the corner, I attended group class because I enjoy the synergy of the sanga. Turning the corner with my healing helped me finally decide on teacher training so I could share the healing benefits. Even with the extensive reading I’ve done over the last 25 years, I had no idea what to expect. Now, a year later, I realize I’ve been gifted a sliver of the knowledge in an ancient lineage. As a teacher I am incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to share these teachings. As a practitioner, I now recognize the more subtle aspects of my practice. But that’s hard to teach, because it comes from inside, and only by making practice a daily mindful habit.
If I studied my Yoga Sutra more diligently, I could probably reference exactly where Patañjali discusses the notion of “good” habits; I’m sure it’s in there. But I’m also sure that it’s okay I don’t have this knowledge right at my fingertips yet. Just to know intrinsically that my positive choices make me feel better is enough to keep me making these same kinds of choices. Thus the cycle of a “good” habit complete with feedback loop. I have learned in my studies that tapas and śvadhyāya are similar concepts in yoga. Loosely translated they could be called actions and self-study about those actions. “Good” habits are actions I have reflected on and decided they benefit me to practice them daily. The challenging part is trusting that I’ve made my best effort to choose the best tapas for me and truly relax into that trust.
This is where the magic happens. Letting go of expectations about the outcome of my efforts is a non-religious interpretation of iśvarapranidhānāni. Trusting in whatever keeps me feeling gratitude and unity. Moment to moment and breath to breath, I keep checking in and trusting myself, no matter what I feel. This is where I find space for growth in both patience and non-judgment. So when I fall off whatever wagon to have a sunset Mai Tai with loved ones, I don’t beat myself up about it. Life’s too short for such worries, no matter how long you live. I enjoy my choices to the absolute fullest now, and when I reflect in my practice the later, I remember joy and it brings me new life.
Today, I wrote my wishes for the New Year in my journal. This Lunar cycle promises to be markedly different from the last one, and one way I’m choosing to use this new energy is with an intention to record a few written words on paper every morning. Sometimes I write about my life in a way I could never share here online. My personal thoughts aren’t always publically presentable. But today I only have the best wishes for everyone. I practiced my new “good” habit and I got to tell y’all about it, sharing my self-reflection. Here’s to each of you who have read this far: may your New Year’s wishes all come true. Gung hey fat choy!
http://www.yogaawareness.com/#PamelaCrane
